Chapter 8: Kenshin, Part Two – translated by Evangeline
Doll, whose eyes were shut, was shocked. After she opened her eyes, she gaped with her mouth wide open in a very un-queenly way. It took her some time before she could speak. “Xiao Xiao Lan? Xiao Long Ming? Why are you here?”
“To take Doll-jiějie back.” Xiao Long Ming grinned.
Doll panicked and yelled, “Idiot! Which idiot let you guys come here?”
“Kenshin and Nan Gong Zui-gēgē,” Xiao Xiao Lan replied honestly.
Doll’s face distorted from anger. “Those two idiots! When I get home, they are done for!”
“Do you think you can go home, Your Majesty?” All the kidnappers laughed.
“You should already have the ransom, but you’re not letting me go?” Doll’s face spoke of sternness and severity, daring anyone to object.
“The ransom is here!” Xiao Xiao Lan raised the little black bag in her hand and said to the kidnappers with a frown, “If you don’t let her go, I’m not giving this to you!”
“Xiao Xiao Lan.” Doll’s helplessness was completely evident in her expression.
The kidnappers laughed hysterically. One of the kidnappers walked toward Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming, reaching out as he said, “Be a good little girl and give that to uncle here, okay? Then uncle won’t hurt you.”
Xiao Xiao Lan snatched the bag back and pouted, “If you don’t let Doll-jiějie go, you are not getting this.”
The kidnapper lost his patience and grabbed Xiao Xiao Lan’s little hand to forcefully take her bag, but Xiao Xiao Lan countered and grabbed his fingers instead, jerking them backward. A clear crackle of bones breaking echoed, along with the piercing howl of the kidnapper.
The kidnappers were astonished, and three more kidnappers rushed over. To their surprise, Xiao Long Ming extended his arm, and a ten centimeter mini derringer slid out along his sleeve. Bang, bang, bang. Three shots later, the three kidnappers all collapsed to the ground, howling while they each hugged a leg.
When the others saw that Xiao Long Ming had a gun, they all pulled out their guns in surprise and aimed them at the two. Finally, I can come into play. The gear worn by Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming were computer operated. In other words, the gear could be operated by me. I immediately activated the function built into Xiao Xiao Lan’s and Xiao Long Ming’s headbands— Shield, and two circular shields sprang up in front of the two.
The kidnappers’ bullets all hit the shields, not harming Xiao Xiao Lan or Xiao Long Ming at all. After a crazy volley of shots, the kidnappers, having identified the shields, dropped their guns and took up daggers and clubs.
Xiao Xiao Lan took out the Cold Fox brand flying dagger from her boot, rolled under a kidnapper’s feet, and sliced at a foot with the extremely sharp dagger. After getting injured, the kidnapper tried to cut down Xiao Xiao Lan with his knife, but he got shot through the arm by Xiao Long Ming and joined the others howling on the ground.
“Damned kids!” Another kidnapper with a club seized Xiao Xiao Lan’s collar and tried to use Xiao Xiao Lan as a shield against Long Ming’s mini derringer. What he didn’t know was that for mass destruction, Xiao Long Ming significantly eclipsed Xiao Xiao Lan, but in terms of single target destruction, none could hope to stand against Xiao Xiao Lan.
Xiao Xiao Lan landed a flying kick with a nailed shoe in the kidnapper’s face. The kidnapper immediately screamed in agony, hands no longer having the luxury of holding onto Xiao Xiao Lan as he was preoccupied with covering his “holed face.”
Even though the enemy was already severely injured, Xiao Xiao Lan didn’t forget my order to utterly obliterate the enemy’s ability to move, which meant not letting the enemy’s feet go unharmed. Xiao Xiao Lan obeyed me very well; she didn’t forget to step on the holed-face kidnapper’s feet as she landed. Cold Fox brand nailed shoes definitely lived up to their name, and the kidnapper collapsed, howling nonstop.
Currently, the situation was like this: Xiao Xiao Lan continued with her single target destruction, and Xiao Long Ming covered her with his mini derringer, throwing out Cold Fox brand test tube bombs whenever he had the chance. The door that had originally admitted a flow of kidnappers was instantly destroyed, leaving only a tiny crevice half a person tall.
Out of the original seven to eight kidnappers in the hall, three were taken down by Long Ming, one had his finger broken by Xiao Xiao Lan, another gained a “holed face” and “holed feet,” and the two to three kidnappers that were left soon collapsed on the ground as well from Xiao Xiao Lan’s flying dagger and Xiao Long Ming’s mini derringer.
Have I created the world’s two most dangerous weapons? When they get back, I must confiscate all their gear, or else I cannot face this world.
Xiao Xiao Lan put her hands on her hip and yelled arrogantly, “Humph! Lying adults, don’t you dare lie to us in the future!” After speaking, Xiao Xiao Lan turned and ran back to Doll’s cage. Like a cute puppy wagging its tail, she asked in a cute voice, “Doll-jiějie, isn’t Xiao Xiao Lan incredible? Kenshin taught us all of that!”
With difficulty, Doll managed to close her gaping mouth a little, and then she rubbed Xiao Xiao Lan’s head. “Xiao Xiao Lan is indeed incredible.”
“Who is more incredible, my mommy or me?” Xiao Xiao Lan looked at Doll in anticipation.
The corner of Doll’s mouth twitched, “Well, your mother’s ability has already crossed into the non-human realm, thus it is out of my understanding.”
“Xiao Xiao Lan, look out!” Xiao Long Ming yelled. He fell silent after a series of gunshots, so Xiao Xiao Lan turned to look. Long Ming was being held by the throat by a gentle-looking man. The gentleman adjusted his glasses and glared at Xiao Xiao Lan coldly.
“Meat-bunbun, help me hit the enemy!” Xiao Long Ming shouted.
Meatbun immediately flew up from behind Xiao Long Ming and yelled, “Don’t bully Long-Long!”
Then, he charged at the gentle-looking man, but after a string of gunshots, Meatbun fell to the floor face-first with smoking holes in his white, pudgy body. Meatbun couldn’t help but sob on the ground. At this moment, a muscular man wearing an army outfit came over with a machine gun, stepped on Meatbun, and ground Meatbun under his foot.
“Meat-bunbun! Let them go!”
Xiao Xiao Lan shrieked and rushed forward to save Long Ming and Meatbun. Suddenly, a shadow fell over Xiao Xiao Lan. Even though Xiao Xiao Lan was surprised, she still reflexively sliced at the person’s foot with the Cold Fox brand flying dagger.
However, this time the dagger attack wasn’t successful. It was trampled underfoot along with Xiao Xiao Lan’s hands by army boots. Xiao Xiao Lan’s eyes teared up from the pain, but she bit her lip to prevent herself from crying out.
Xiao Xiao Lan looked up to see the muscular guy in the army uniform looking at her with a scornful look. With a strike from the man’s hand, Xiao Xiao Lan went flying into a wall. She coughed up a mouthful of blood and collapsed weakly by the wall.
“Stop! She is just a child!” Doll’s knuckles turned white from the force of her grip on the metal cage bars, but her face was even whiter.
“A child? They took out seven of my men.” The gentleman adjusted his glasses and threw Xiao Long Ming and Meat-bunbun toward Xiao Xiao Lan. Xiao Xiao Lan barely managed to block the two from hitting the wall, but consequently, Xiao Xiao Lan’s face became even paler.
“Kill them.” The gentleman said uncaringly to the muscular man in the army uniform.
“Stop!” Doll shook the cage desperately.
The uniformed man spat to the side and advanced on Xiao Xiao Lan with a disgusted expression, “Gah, if you need me to deal with such small fries, then your men are indeed a bunch of trash!”
The gentleman adjusted his glasses once again and replied coldly, “I do have quite some trash underneath me, but these two twerps are pretty good if they could defeat that trash. It’s a pity their opponent today was me.”
The uniformed man laughed and said, “I really want to see their parent’s expressions when they see their bodies.”
With that sentence, he kicked forcefully at Xiao Long Ming. Xiao Xiao Lan leaped and managed to shove Xiao Long Ming away. She took the kick herself, grunting from the pain.
The expression of the uniformed man darkened. “Little girl, you sure are stubborn.”
Fists rained down on Xiao Xiao Lan. Even though Xiao Xiao Lan’s reflexes were fast, and she managed to block all the hits with her arms and legs, how could her thin limbs stand up to the battering of the uniformed man? Soon after, Xiao Xiao Lan couldn’t even raise her limbs anymore, and her tears streamed continuously down her face, yet she still bit her lip to prevent herself from crying out.
“Xiao Xiao Lan.” Tears ran down Doll’s beautiful face as she cried out, unable to bear to look at the scene where Xiao Xiao Lan was being brutally beaten up.
“Stop beating her!” Xiao Long Ming struggled to stand up in front of Xiao Xiao Lan, only to be swatted away by the uniformed man.
“Stop playing around and kill them already. We have to continue with our second round of ransoming.” The gentleman said impatiently.
The other man grinned cruelly upon hearing that and took out a German-made machete from his waist. He raised the knife high in front of Xiao Xiao Lan…
The door that was originally blocked by rocks was suddenly blown wide open. Smoke billowed all around the room. Through the haze, the outline of a hover bike appeared, and both the gentleman and the uniformed man pulled out their guns and watched warily.
The smoke finally cleared away. Two people sat on the hover bike; the one in front wore a black safety helmet that covered the entire head, a leather windbreaker, and black jeans, looking very cool and strong. In the back seat sat a seductive and charming beauty with hair dyed in a purplish-red who was wearing a low-cut top and possessed a pair of long, shapely, and high-heeled legs that peeked out from underneath a cute, mini leather skirt. Even the gentleman and the man in uniform swallowed at the sight of those beautiful long legs.
“Who are you?” The gentleman immediately regained his composure and asked. He looked at the one sitting in the front seat of the hover bike.
The beauty in the backseat stepped off elegantly and sensually. But after that, her legs wobbled and she almost fell, only righting herself in the nick of the time against the bike. The beauty couldn’t help but protest to the bike driver, “Hey, you speed too much! Four hundred, it was four hundred! You went faster than a high-speed train!”
After the bike driver took off her helmet and shook out her ponytail, she laughed, “It’s to save our babies.”
The face under the helmet couldn’t be any more familiar to me. With brown hair and brown eyes, she was a forever confident and handsome girl; Prince! This time, my expression finally relaxed. There was no need to worry about the two children anymore.
“Two beauties!” The uniformed man muttered in lust.
“Mommy!” The two children yelled. Xiao Xiao Lan finally stopped biting her lip and started to cry loudly.
“Prince!” Doll also yelled, relief in her voice.
Prince spotted Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming, both of them with many injuries, especially Xiao Xiao Lan. Prince quickly rushed over to her precious daughter’s side, and Xiao Xiao Lan dove into her mother’s lap. Prince asked Xiao Xiao Lan gently, “Does anywhere hurt very, very much?”
“Everywhere!” Xiao Xiao Lan bawled in her mother’s embrace.
Prince quickly examined Xiao Xiao Lan’s body, making sure that her daughter hadn’t received any fatal injuries, and sighed in relief. She emitted a motherly aura and said to her daughter, “Xiao Xiao Lan, go with Xiao Long Ming over to his mommy, okay?”
Xiao Xiao Lan sobbed while replying, “What’s Mommy going to do?”
“Nothing much. Mommy is going to let certain bad guys know that they are not the worst in this world!” Prince replied and then stood up slowly, her fierce eyes saying, “You don’t know what it means to anger a wolf!”
The gentleman and the uniformed man hesitated. After the gentleman collected his thoughts, his expression turned vicious and he said to the man in thearmy uniform, “Let’s take care of her together!”
However, the uniformed man ignored him and charged toward Prince alone, yelling, “She’s just a woman. I can make her cry on her knees by myself!”
The machete in his hands was almost upon Prince’s head when Prince calmly drew out a weapon from her back and stopped the German-made machete with a clang. The uniformed man stared in disbelief at the weapon in Prince’s hands; a kitchen knife.
This weapon is the ultimate tool, as it can be used for anything from chopping vegetables to butchering pork. You can even hide it in your house without raising suspicion, and even the weapon control protocol can’t forbid you from using it.
When you are going through customs, you can simply pack it inside your suitcase and stick on a “Kinmen” label on the box. Then, even the officials at the customs will praise you smilingly, “You sure are a professional. This one’s a good knife.”
The German-made machete suddenly emitted a breaking sound, and then it started to crack. The entire machete soon crumbled into a pile of scrap metal. The uniformed man stared at the kitchen knife in Prince’s hands in disbelief and yelled, “That’s not a kitchen knife! That can’t be a kitchen knife!”
Prince raised a finger and wagged it smartly, “No! This IS a kitchen knife, but it’s also a diamond edged, invincible kitchen knife. Not only can it cut through the most stubborn pork bones, it can also dismantle ray guns. It’s my faithful comrade for traveling, cooking, and even cutting up criminals!”
“Go to hell, woman!”
The uniformed man roared and kicked at Prince’s shins. However, Prince instead stepped firmly on his kicking foot. She slammed the hilt of the knife into the man’s temple, and then Prince’s heavily booted foot kicked viciously toward the man’s groin.
After two sounds similar to the sound of bubbles popping, the man went down frothing without a noise.
“Bastard! You dare to hit such a cute loli like my daughter? I will punish you in the name of all those with Lolita complexes around the world!” Prince yelled heroically at the unconscious man on the ground.
Hey, are you really Xiao Xiao Lan’s mother… You should be punishing him in the name of your daughter! I watched Prince exasperatedly through Xiao Xiao Lan’s earring.
“Who are you?” The gentleman asked, his complexion turning sour.
Prince turned to look at the gentleman and narrowed her eyes dangerously. She asked, “Are you the mastermind? The one who kidnapped Doll, let my baby walk around in a sizzling desert, and then even dared to injure her?”
The gentle-looking man didn’t answer Prince. Instead, he picked up something that looked like a communicator and yelled into it, “Send men over. Where the heck are all of you?”
“If the ones you’re calling are those people outside, they either got run over by my bike, or got run over after they were taken down by my tear gas, so I suggest that you save your breath.” Prince’s expression was dark, and her voice was icy as she spoke.
The gentleman took out a light rifle, but just as he started to pull the trigger, the kitchen knife flew over and split it right down the middle. The knife then continued to fly into the wall behind him, embedding itself nearly to the hilt.
The gentleman was initially startled by the sight, but his expression soon turned shrewd, and he said, “You don’t have the diamond edged kitchen knife anymore, so how are you going to fight me now? Just a warning, I am a karate five dan—
“Hiya!” Prince charged straight at him, and with a spinning kick, she attacked him without any hesitation. He barely managed to deflect it with his hands, but the force from Prince’s kick still sent him rolling to the side.
The gentleman’s face twisted and his arms shook, but he still forced himself to stand up nonchalantly. He said, “Nice karate kick, but I’m telling you now, I am also a judo—“
Prince rushed forward again and grabbed his collar, right leg kicking out at his ankle viciously, and threw him over her shoulder. The gentleman lay on the floor, blood trickling out of his mouth as he continued his sentence, “…Three dan.”
The gentleman finally counter-attacked. As his legs formed a cross, he restrained Prince’s waist while his arms circled around Prince’s neck. He looked exultant as he said, “I am also one of the world wrestling guild’s top class members.”
“Oh, tough luck,” Lolidragon said lazily, “The one you are wrestling with right now is the world wrestling guild’s honorary advisor.”
The gentleman was stunned, and Prince grinned evilly, “Cross strangle!”
Finally, the gentleman joined the frothing club on the ground. Prince retrieved her kitchen knife and cut the gentleman’s clothes into ribbons.
Prince took out a key from the mess of clothes, and she went over to Xiao Xiao Lan to give the key to her. Prince smiled as she said to her daughter, “Go let your Doll-jiějie out. She was saved because of Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming.”
Xiao Xiao Lan smiled as she happily took the key and went to open the cage with Xiao Long Ming.
I lay on Prince’s palm… To be precise, Prince wordlessly took off Xiao Xiao Lan’s earring and put it on her palm. She even stuck her big eyes against the earring and said, “Kenshin, tell Nan Gong Zui that the case has been solved, and don’t forget about the reward money. If he doesn’t pay up, then we will take his wife on a trip.”
The kidnapping incident finally came to an end. Queen Doll gave Celestial thirty-six continuous slaps upon his tearful arrival and attempt to hug her. Celestial cried even more, but Doll just said angrily, “You’ll still hug me? Didn’t you have fun with that cute maid last time?”
Celestial sobbed and tugged on the corner of Doll’s clothes. “She kissed me on the cheek by force. I didn’t have fun. Celestial only likes Doll.”
“Liar!” Doll’s expression softened, but she still replied harshly.
“It’s true, I only like Doll.” Celestial was bawling now, afraid that his wife wouldn’t believe him.
“Really?” Doll narrowed her eyes.
Celestial nodded vigorously, and Doll finally smiled. She patted Celestial’s head. “Fine, Doll will believe you. Celestial’s the best.”
“I have to ask, the reason that you guys argued, resulting in your running away and getting kidnapped can’t be because…” Nan Gong Zui and Phoenix’s expressions were horrified, “A little maid kissed Celestial’s cheek?”
Doll and Celestial both replied innocently, “Yeah!”
The incident where Doll got kidnapped only took up a tiny corner in the newspaper, but the incident where Nan Gong Zui and Phoenix beat up the queen of a country became the headline for three weeks.
Later, Doll was determined to marry Celestial, but all of her chancellors opposed her decision. In a fit of rage, Doll abdicated and tossed the throne to her sister, eloping to our house with Celestial, becoming one of the “parasites.” Yu Lian, Ugly Wolf, Winter Triumph, and his sister, Disi, who were working in Doll’s palace, also came with her.
Although Cold Fox hadn’t found out the kidnapper’s identities right away, when the gentleman tried to escape from jail, Cold Fox “helped” him; he helped him escape into the Ice Emperor Syndicate’s black jail. Since then, I often went to Cold Fox’s home for tea and to “visit” the mastermind behind the event that caused the two children to go through torture and turned them into potential dangers to the world.
Xiao Xiao Lan hid the Cold Fox brand flying dagger in her underwear. She boldly said to Cold Fox, “If you want it back, then you need to take off my underwear!”
But, Wicked and Gui were watching on the side. Even though both Gui and Wicked combined together still could not hope to match Cold Fox when it came to fighting, Gui’s two hundred I.Q. was not for nothing. Gui said coldly, “There are four three-hundred and sixty degree cameras in this room. If you dare take off my daughter’s underwear, I will broadcast the video of Silver-Masked Quick Fox taking off a five year old girl’s underwear to the world.”
Prince’s reaction was this: “You want to take off my daughter’s underwear? Okay, but remember, you have to be responsible and marry her when she is eighteen, or else I will tear Kenshin into scrap.”
What does all of this have to do with me?
“Don’t touch Xiao Xiao Lan, or I will infect Kenshin with viruses.” Wicked threatened coldly as well.
Cold Fox and I were both speechless.
Xiao Long Ming didn’t put the mini derringer into his underwear because Cold Fox would just take it without any qualms. Instead, he stuffed it into Xiao Xiao Lan’s underwear as well, and it went off accidentally in the process… Luckily, the gun was pointing down, so there was just a small hole in Xiao Xiao Lan’s underwear.
Cold Fox looked at me. “What should I do now?”
I looked at the two kids. Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming both had an imploring expression on their faces, but I refused to give in and ordered, “Return them!”
Both Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming looked completely disappointed. Xiao Xiao Lan took out the mini derringer and the flying dagger, pouting, “Looks like I have to take Mommy’s kitchen knife, although it’s heavy. Luckily, my mom has a lot of back-up kitchen knives.”
Prince said helpfully, “Do you want Mommy to give you a fruit knife? It’s much lighter.”
“My dad’s ray gun is also very heavy. Looks like I have to work on my arm strength. Luckily, my dad has a full collection of gear.” Xiao Long Ming sighed at the sight of his toothpick sized arm.
“…Both of you can keep the gear,” I couldn’t have answered in any other way.
From that day onward, Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming often visited the Ice Emperor Syndicate. Cold Fox even gave them permits to prevent them from using the flying dagger to dig a hole in the door of the Ice Emperor Syndicate when they couldn’t find Cold Fox to open the door for them.
As usual, Xiao Xiao Lan never gives up on her goals until she accomplishes them. In order to find Cold Fox, she could cause complete chaos in the Ice Emperor Syndicate. When Cold Fox came back after just going out for coffee, he could only stare blankly at the sight of Xiao Xiao Lan and Xiao Long Ming taking on a group of ray gun armed members of the Ice Emperor Syndicate.
Just because her father said “I miss your mother so much,” Xiao Xiao Lan could also post up advertisements searching for her mother in the newspaper. When that didn’t work, she personally went out to search around half the globe for Prince and lied to get her home, the lie being that Daddy had a fatal disease and was about to die.
“Daddy’s got lovesickness. It’s very dangerous; Lin Dai Yu died from it!” Xiao Xiao Lan pointed out to her mother without any remorse.
So, when Xiao Xiao Lan said that she was going to marry Wicked, I never doubted that her future husband would be Wicked. When I saw that Xiao Xiao Lan finally had Wicked wrapped around her finger, I only thought about how slow she was this time. It was probably because she was not in hurry to get married as she was still young!
Back in the present, after Xiao Xiao Lan had Wicked wrapped around her finger, she wasn’t ever going to let him go again. Therefore, Wicked had to go back to Lolidragon’s company, and he became the newest member of our family. His fate was similar to Gui’s, always either waiting for his wife to come home or chasing his wife around the world every day.
Currently, our family consists of Lolidragon, Feng Wu Qing, Prince, Gui, Xiao Long Ming, Xiao Xiao Lan, Long-bà, Prince’s parents, Zhuo family’s parents, Ming Huang, Doll, Celestial, Ugly Wolf, and Yu Lian. Winter Triumph and Disi also came over with Doll, Sunshine and Fairsky referred to this place as their home base, and there was also Meatbun and Fire Phoenix. Not long afterward, Nan Gong Zui and Phoenix also moved in, so it’s like an extremely large family. Oh, right. There is also the Dictator of Life, me, and the newly joined Elf and Demon Thirteen.
Cold Fox is here so often he might as well be residing here too.
Even though the number of members in this family is unbelievably large, not everyone is home at the same time. Prince, Lolidragon, Long Ming, Xiao Xiao Lan, and the always-chasing-after-the-wife-every-time-they-realize-the-wife-disappeared husbands, namely, Gui, Wicked, and Feng Wu Qing; these people always do weird things in various places around the world.
Generally, Prince is the one who starts it, or Xiao Xiao Lan.
If you ever read in the newspaper about some slave trader tied up in front of a police station, crying about how he will never do it again, or some corrupted minister stripped naked and tied upside down on a balcony, the evidence of his corruption e-mailed to the world, or some kidnapped girl being rescued by an anonymous person, face blushing over her rescuer’s handsomeness, or about an ancient treasure that was found and donated to the world’s museums but with some of the beautiful pieces of jewelry missing… No doubt, you are looking at Prince’s work.
Time passed. What didn’t change in hundreds or even thousands of years was, I still sat in the same old castle, sipping tea with Cold Fox who had also become an artificial human, watching Xiao Xiao Xiao Xiao… Lan, watching the creation of all kinds of everlasting legends!
“Welcome to Second Life. I am Second Life’s Dictator of Life. Please note that you have only one chance to create a character. No changes can be made after the character has been created.”
With gray eyes, long red hair, and strange patterns under his left eye, the Dictator of Life asks you with a smile, “Now, are you ready to create a legend?”